No one ever said parenthood was going to be easy. And I never assumed it would be. And yet, somehow I find myself surprised by the fact that it really is difficult. At this point, Eli is starting to become a pure joy. He's mostly sleeping through the night, he's smiling all the time, and is generally a happy little guy with limited amounts of fussiness. He's not the problem - I am. I've discussed how I'm trying to overcome my selfishness in terms of having less quality time with J.C.. Another thing that I'm struggling with now is trying to learn how to sacrifice my bad habits in order to raise my child the way I know is best.
I am a TV addict. I am basically an only child and I grew up with the television as my constant companion. When I'm home, regardless of whether I'm sitting down to watch it (which I really don't do too much), I like for it to be on. I feel like the house is too quiet without it. And now that I'm home full time this means that our TV rarely gets a break. Poor thing... Do I think this is healthy? No. Do I want my kids growing up to be TV addicts and watching all the unhealthy things that are on all the time these days? Definitely not.
Before I had Eli, I told myself (and J.C.) that I was going to try to break this habit and learn how to be at home without having the TV on. I've felt for a long time that I needed to do this and somehow thought that having a child would automatically give me the motivation I needed to overcome it. How naive.... When we first brought Eli home from the hospital, I justified having it on because I was feeding him (or pumping) almost constantly, and what else was I going to do all day? Look at the walls? And besides, how much could he really be absorbing as a newborn? It's not like I'm watching anything "bad" like talk shows and soap operas. I'm watching things like HGTV and Baby Story on TLC. No biggie, right? Excuses, excuses.... I could come up with a ton of them because I really don't want to break my addiction. I really like TV. And unfortunately, having a child hasn't taken away this affection and magically transformed me into the parent I aspire to be.
Ridding myself of this bad habit isn't only good for Eli, but good for me. I've been reminded in several ways recently that I need to focus on the things that are important and have eternal significance and not spend my time and mental energy on the silly and potentially harmful things like TV. So, I guess I'll do what I should have done in the beginning - realize that it's not by my strength that I will overcome my shortcomings, and turn this one over to the Lord every day.
And on an unrelated note, here's the latest pic of my little cutie pie.